Assalamualaikum wr. wb...
well guys, i just read raditya dika's fifth book, Marmut Merah Jambu. It's a love book for sure, i didn't realize it was until i read the third chapter. my favorite chapter is "How Did I Meet You, Not Your Mother." it's the sweetest chapter of all, in fact, i think it's the sweetest story he ever made. the story is about dika's meeting his girlfriend (ex-girlfriend now) sherina. and it inspires me a lot. so i decided to write stories about how did i meet my loves. i had a crush on many guys, i have to tell you. but crush is different with love. in my opinion, when i like somebody and he doesnt like me back, it's called a crush.
but when i like someone and he likes me too, it's a love.
till now, i never like someone that much. if i like someone and he doesnt like me back, i'll see him as a crush who will never be my love. and i deal with that. i once had someone who likes me, but i dont like him. i knew how he felt, i've been there often. and i hope he could deal with it just like how i did. he did, by the way. he has changed.
when i admire someone, i never think about being his girlfriend. of course i dream of it a couple times, but i rarely dare to think about it. it's just a crush, then let it always be. it's just for fun. i never care about the ending of these crush things. if i ended up being his girlfriend, lucky for me. if not, find another guy who likes me back and leave the first guy as my forever crush. simple, that's my motto. i dont want to think hard about that, there are so many things more important to think about than those crush things.
when i love someone, it means that i love a guy who told me that he likes me (too).
i've met these guys, and my stories with them... hmm... not so good. every relationship always ended in sorry and caused sadness and some happiness. but it also left me with some lessons. yeah, they werent my true love, because a true love doesnt have an ending, right?
let me tell you about how did i meet my previous loves.
my first love (or in bahasa pacar pertama gueh), was R. we were in the same senior class in middle school. i didnt notice him at the beginning, until here came the sport subject. we were accidentally playing mini soccer against each other to spend the rest of the time. me with my girl friends (5 of us), and R with Insan. 5 girls vs 2 boys. i finally noticed him at that moment, because he was so cool when he kicked the ball through the field. yeah, it was a silly reason to like somebody, i know. but hey, you cant control your feeling, can you?
and then we accidentally became groups in biology. i was really thankful to my biology teacher that time, despite the fact that she was a killer teacher.
then we became friends.
weeks passed by, i texted him for the first time. i was soo young and shy,so i didnt tell him i was farah, instead, i pretended i was Reina, a middle schooler girl who went to smp5, a middle school next to mine. i asked his name, and we ended up texting each other and talking about our lifes. i also told him i knew his classmates, farah (which is also me hahaha). for so long, he bought my reina-disguising. he might even have a lil crush on reina! and he told me, the real farah, about that. i was happy to be the one he talk to, but i was afraid too. i was scared of the fact that he might find out about this disguising thing.
someday, i decided to cut this reina things off, because R started to become suspicious about the existence of reina. he seemed conscious that farah is reina. so i texted him as reina, told him i was going to move somewhere and i wont texted him anymore, and asked him to be with farah because farah is a nice girl. well i forgot what exactly in my message, but hahahaha, i remember i did promote myself! how cool is that?
after that i changed my cellphone number, then text him, this time as farah. not long after that, i officially became his girlfriend.
being his girlfriend was not as happy as i thought. i remember i cried more than i laughed. he had tortured me a lot, mentally, because he became a very cold boy when we were together. i dont remember any nice things he did, because he never talked to me at school. can you imagine that? we were in the same class for god's sake, and he acted like i didnt even exist!
he never texted me first, i'm the one who always texted him. he also never called me, i called him.
and after two months, i broke up with him. for your information, he wanted me to break up with him, because he said "my parents know about us!"
yeah, middle schooler like us had to have a backstreet relationship, so it's like the end of the world when our parents knew about us.
and we separated. we rarely talked for the rest of the senior year in middle school,and we went to different high school. i went to sma20, he went to sma7, but moved to sma5 after spending freshman year. i was in science, he was in social. i went to SSC, he went to GO. i now study in fh unpad, he studies in fe widyatama. we're just not meant to be together.
n, i had boyfriends, he had girlfriends. sometimes we chatted via ym, but it's been a long time since the last time i chatted with him. i know he has a girlfriend now, a girl who's been with him since high school, a sweet girl, and i also know he has been a very nice boy to her (from facebook you know everything hahaha ouch i forgot i still deactivated my acc -__-). and their photos made me wonder, how come this jerky boy could act like he's a sweet prince now? was it my fault that changed him into a cold blooded monster when we were together? did time change verything? is he really a kind man right now? i dont know, and i just dont care. we accidentally met in gramedia, months ago, and we talked as if we had been good friends. i know we werent but time has changed everything. we dont have anything special going on between us now, and we walk on our own way. no matter what happened back in middle school's senior year, i deeply wish for his happiness in life.
anyway, what's funny about him, is when we're chatting, he always brought back our relationship memories. and he asked me this question "sama siapa sekarang/pacarmu siapa? anak mana?" almost in every chat. i never thought so much about that because those feelings and heart-beat-faster i had to him was gone. i dont care whether he asked that because of his curiosity, jealousy or hatred. he is no one for me now.
my second love is Y. he is my senior in high school, but he studies social. he is a friend of kang taufik, my senior in dkm. i saw them doing dhuha prayer for a couple of times, so i became familiar to his face. i didnt notice him until he added my friendster account when i was a sophomore, and he was in senior year. then he officially became my crush. i talked much about him in my friendster blog, overreacted when i saw him in school, told my friends over and over about a small thing he did to me, and other stupid things an-in-love-girl could do.
his reaction of my stupidity made me think that he might like me too, but i still didnt dare to think of being his girlfriend. and i was right. he dated another girl. that broke my heart a lot, and i thought that he didnt want to go out with me because i was fat and inattractive. i knew i was. so after lebaran, i went to a nutrician, and got some short of a healthy diet, list of dos and donts and a strict schedule to be obeyed. i was very discipline that time, because i really wanted to show him that i could be attractive. and i did. i lost some weight. 2 months later he broke up with his gf, and a couple months after that he became my bf.
didnt see that coming, did you?
hahaha, yeah, some dream could turn into reality.
our relationship then turned into small disaster. but it was better compared with my first love. we never had an argument, because we rarely see each other. he rarely texted me, on the other hand, i texted him a lot. he rarely replied my messages too, because he rarely had phone credits.
he only called me two times when we were together. for the rest? i called him. even he didnt say anything on my birthday, lebaran and new year.
we had been together for 1 year and 4 months until i decided to break up with him. for the first year i was okay with his attitude. not being texted, not being called, not going out together, no caring, and other nos which any relationship has but we. i was proud to be such a different couple with him, and i was too comfortable with my status as somebody's girlfriend. but finally, on july 2009, i couldnt take it anymore. i was very tired, angry and bored with his indifferent. and because of some other reasons i cant explain, i left him. i thought he was gonna be okay with my decision, i never knew that he still had the same feeling which i dont have anymore. but in the end of our talk (actually we werent talking, we were texting -__-), he took my decision wholeheartedly.
and ten days after, his 18th birthday came. i gave him something and a cake to celebrate it, to show him that i'm nothing like him, and to make him feel ashamed about what he did to me when i was having my birthday. i dont forget special people's birthday. but i promised to my self i would move on after his birthday, and i did.
and now, i remember him as someone who used to have my heart, just like R. but not anymore. he studies in fe unpad, same university and same campus with me, but we rarely saw each other. we met in campus once or twice, and we also talked as if we were good friends. to be honest, i never consider him as my friend, i will always see him as my exbf. months went by, we texted twice or three times, and he never changed, still not caring about me. even he didnt care when i accidentally tell him about my father's condition. and it made me wonder, how could i fall for a guy who doesnt care to me at all? well love is blind. sometimes you see what other people cant see, and sometimes you dont see what other people can see.
my third love or my newest is A. you'll know almost everything about him if you read my previous posts. he was my trending topic (so twitterish ahaha) in oktober, november, january, february and march. i told you about how did we meet, so i wont bother to tell about it again.
i have to admit, being his girlfriend was my happiest and the most memorable relationship i ever had till now. it was short, i know. but i finally got those normal feelings we have to have when we are seeing somebody. being texted, being cared, being called, talked many things, spending saturday night together, those were everything i only could dream of before i saw him.
until now, he's still on top of my people-to-forget list. i do everything i could to make it happen, but no matter what he still has this small piece of my mind and heart. if you ask me "why why why whyyy you just cant let him go, far???" well i'm asking that to myself too, and the answer is because he's nice, open-minded, bold, sharp, silly and other reasons i cant describe. we might be not together anymore, but i do still have this special feeling to him. i may still love him. and i know, this time, i have to move on and leave him as a forever crush, just like what i did months ago, before october 31 2009.
i made some nazar to myself, and this maybe the last posts talking about him. i'm waiting for the time to change me into a new person.
so that's it, my love stories. from my experiences you may realize that i always loved someone who studies social. i dont know why, maybe it was destiny. in high school i had this crush to someone who studies science too like me,he did like me back but he ended up having a huge crush on my bestfriend till now. sad? not really, because my crush on him wasnt that big, thank god. after that i had a crush on a boy who studies science and dkm too, but guess what? he also ended up having a crush on my bestfriend too!!!! the same girl like the previous. on senior year i liked a boy in my class, and guess what happened? yeah, he liked my bestfriend too. yeah, it was the exact same girl who took my previous crushes attention. yeaaah i dont know how these 3 boys i liked could have a crush on the same girl which is my bestfriend. and fyi, she didnt date anybody. i watched those 3 hopes fell because of rejection from the exact same girl, and still, none of them turned their back to me.
recently i had this crush on someone who's finishing his postgraduate study in T.Sipil ITB. i was sooo happy to meet him, so "geer" because of his calling and texting, but it ended in confusing me. he changed, he didnt call, text, chat, and else. so i left him. and A, the exbf back to spin my head right round right round (flo rida's song). hahaha it is miserable i knooow but i'm really not that pathetic.
i dont know why i havent gotten any love (not just crush) from science studies, cuz i'm dying to have a special guy who came from science. his thoughts could balance my social mind, thats the reason why. maybe its not the right time. but its ok.
i'm now happy being single, in spite of the fact that A's memories still killing me sometimes, but i must confess that i'm better than i used to be. i have got crush on some guys, of course, but none of them are taking my mind and spinning my heart like those 3 loves did. i'm walking as a happy single girl, i feel confident and very independent. i used to text A right away when my dad got his attack, but not now. i used to tell A about everything that i thought he was the one and only who could understand my problem, but it's different now. i'm standing by myself and i'm okay with that. i no longer have this jealousy with couples holding hand on the street or watching movie together. so what? i have my family and friends to watch the movie together. i dont care if my friend is picked up by his bf in campus, i have pak osid to do that. sometimes i even pick myself up. even iqbal could do more than any of my love did; being literally there when i was in panic and despair.
i need someone, of course. i'm waiting for him, the right guy, to come. and while waiting and sending prayer to my lovely God Allah SWT, i'll just concentrate on what can i do by myself to make me busy such as study for uas or looking for a job.
to sum up : even though i'm single, i'm fine.
hastalavista mochoreaders!
nb :
1. whaddaya think about this new look? i was a bit bored of my previous background and template, it was very normal. i found the bg on blogger's newest templates, after changing some colors, and that's it. i'm satisfied with what i did, and i hope you enjoy it. it still has coffee touch, see??
2. i want to have a song to become my blog's trademark. when i heard hey julie, i remembered nat's blog. karena dia, dayat's. one of the beatles's song (forgot the title), i remembered tris's. suju's song, erika's. their blogs have its own mark, what mark does my blog have? aahhh i'm gonna choose a song.
3. innalillahi, my headmaster whom i told you before, pak toni sutisna, died because of heart attack a couple of weeks ago. he was the best i ever had, and i'm sending my deepest prayer to him and his family. amin.
another good bye, mochos!
